What about evolution?

Interviewer: What about evolution? Much is made of the idea that mankind and all other creatures evolved from more primitive species. I suppose asking You this question may sound a bit silly, but what are Your feelings on the subject?
God: I am firmly in the camp of those who believe in Intelligent Design.
Interviewer: I sort of thought You would be. But did You use the evolutionary process to create the world?
God: There is no evolutionary process-one species evolving into another as people generally understand it-so it would be rather hard for Me to use it.
Interviewer: So You are saying that evolution is more or less a nonstarter.
God: It is an intriguing theory with no basis in fact. I say “intriguing” because man is intrigued by it, not Me. Actually, it is diabolical. It provided man a “scientific” reason-and I say scientific with My rather considerable tongue in My cheek-not to believe in Me. The greatest testimony to a creator is the creation. A masterpiece of a painting is a tribute to the artist who painted it. One acknowledges his genius because one has seen the results of it. Likewise, a remarkable invention is a tribute to its remarkable inventor. So you can imagine how I feel when My handiwork is attributed to the work of the handiwork itself. It really is an absurd concept when one looks at it with even the faintest degree of logic.
It strikes Me as the utmost in bigotry, too, that those who champion evolution’s authenticity refuse to allow the science of creationism to be taught as a counterbalance. The champions of evolution often portray themselves as the defenders of free thought, but in their hypocrisy they refuse to allow people, especially impressionable young students, to freely have access to information other than their own favored creed. It is not so much that someone came up with a bizarre and illogical theory that flies in the face of hard scientific evidence that bothers Me, rather it is that this is foisted on people as the fact of evolution when it is known that it is anything but factual. As you can tell, I tend to get fairly worked up over the subject.
Interviewer: So it is a hoax?
God: A perfect word for it.
Interviewer: But what about dinosaurs? Are they real?
God: They are not real now, but they were.
Interviewer: But don’t they give credence to the theory of evolution?
God: That a range of species that were once plentiful on the earth and are now extinct doesn’t give proof to the theory of evolution. There are species becoming extinct all the time.
Interviewer: But I have always had the impression that they are somewhere on the evolutionary ladder.
God: No. There were many kinds of dinosaurs, but they were all distinctly unique and didn’t evolve from anything; nor did they turn into anything.
Interviewer: Well, what happened to them?
God: The vast majority were killed in the great flood.
Interviewer: You mean Noah and the Ark and all that.
God: Yes.
Interviewer: You said the majority of them. Why not all of them?
God: Because two of each kind were on the Ark.
Interviewer: You mean that he had dinosaurs on the Ark?
God: Why not? I instructed him to take two of every kind of animal, male and female. Except for some species, which I told him to take seven pairs of.
Interviewer: Why haven’t they survived? The other animals did.
God: The climate of the earth after the flood was not so kind to the dinosaurs, just as it wasn’t to some other species. They were not able to adapt to their new environment, so they died off.